Today I just want to apologize to all of you…. But like I said, I will keep things 100% real on my blog….
I didn’t read one single page that has helped me get through the day. I wasn’t even able to fully wake up and break out of the negativity…Knowing that most of my thoughts were just my thoughts, I went back on my word today and assumed with jealousy that something was happening that wasn’t happening ….
I apologize for failing today but know that I will not give up….. Like I told you guys before, this blog is my story, this blog is my experiences of my everyday life.. There’s going to be days when I’m gonna mess up and there’s going to be days that I will assume a lot…. But I admit that this is one of my own personal faults that I continue to work on every day.
And to my friends, you are right. It will take more than just a few days or a week to get better, it’s gonna take months…. I guess I was hoping I’ll be strong enough to not need that much time, but today I realize that I do need more time.
Again, I’m sorry for those I let down. I’m human just like you are and I’m not a 100% motivational speaker or anything like that.. I’m just a regular guy dealing with post life experiences of my transplant and learning how to mature as human-being and a man.
Hopefully I will not have many more setbacks…. It’s almost 2 in the morning and I felt that it was only right to get this out before I go to bed.
I will continue to fight to be better. I will not give up. I’m grateful that I still have another chance to make things right.
Begin Each Day Better Than Yesterday 
Herbert, you’re a VERY young adult and it’s really, really hard to be young, really hard to be an adult and really, really, REALLY hard to have a chronic health condition. You’re a very special person to want to “get it all right” in the first place. And, you’re doing a really good job of it.
And, now it’s time for me to apologize for my comment on a post you made awhile ago concerning drugs and alcohol. It’s a sensitive subject for me on two levels. First, I’ve been fighting against illness and for my life for the last 40 years. It’s difficult for me to see anyone take a transplant lightly. (And, I realize now that you don’t take it lightly.) Secondly, my youngest son is a 36 year old addict who abuses drugs and alcohol. I love him so much and it breaks my heart every moment of every day. Drugs and alcohol make for such a waste of good people.
I barely “knew” you when I read that first post of yours, but have since come to realize what a very special person you are. Please stay clean and sober both for the sake of your cousin’s sacrifice and more importantly for yourself and all the people you are going to touch with your life. Don’t deny the world a clear thinking YOU. Take it from a wise old lady, who has suffered and grown wise the hard way, I can see that there is a deep well of wisdom within you and you have a real lot to offer to others both in the present and in the future.
Women will come and they will go, friends will come and they will go, there will be good and bad times, there will be happy days and very low days and there will be healthy times and times of illness. If nothing else life is a roller coaster, and without doubt those of us with chronic health conditions have been given a larger number of mountains to climb on the roller coaster. As I said, you’re dealing with becoming an adult, with the general daily ups and downs of life, and with a transplant life and all of what that means.
I hope reading about the down times of others on the transplant FB page the other day helped you to see that you are not alone in struggling with this. And, as far as becoming a true adult goes, it took me until my 50’s to start really feeling like an adult and now in my 60’s I think I’m really getting a handle things. LOL So, don’t get discouraged by making mistakes and whatever. Life is a constant learning process and give yourself lots of extra leeway because besides everyday life and whatever that means for you you’re dealing with more than a few extra roadblocks than others because of your health issues.
Be well Herbert, and treat yourself with understanding, patience and love.
Life is definitely a constant learning process. I’m finally able to realize that hoping that I will find peace within myself and learn to accept myself for who I am.. I don’t even have to love myself, if I could just learn to accept myself, life will be looking much brighter. slowly but surely I’ll get there. Thanks