You guys wanna see change? Thank my family for the 2nd chance they given me and thank the negative people I came across that motivate me to be that positive change some people may need in their life.
Well I guess we all have these days. To be honest I’m not even sure why I decided to write a post right now, maybe part of me feels like even when I’m physically out of it I should still write so those who are in a similar boat know that it’s ok when those days come.
Physically I’m completely out of it. I haven’t been able to get any sleep for three days straight, I think the most sleep I can get is 2 hours straight… I’m not sure why all of a sudden I started to get like this but today I woke up and felt completely out of it and still do as I write this. So forgive me if somethings I say don’t make sense, I’m in no mood to re-read and edit right now.
So let’s see.. This may sound dumb but I felt like I was escaping death all night.. I would get a empty feeling throughout my body and instead of giving in, I would try to wake up and it took a lot to wake up for some reason… I would be struggling to just move a little but for some reason felt like I couldn’t.. I tried to open my eyes but for some reason they wouldn’t.. I didn’t know what was going on but I just knew I couldn’t stop trying cuz if I did I wouldn’t wake up again.. This happened about 4 times in a row throughout the night and by the time I was able to finally snap out of it it was 6 am and I woke up at 7:30 with back and neck aches like you wouldn’t blv…..
Around 8:30 am I started to feel a little better but around 9:15 my whole mind frame went numb… I feel out of it, i feel a little confused, I feel a bit dazed and lost.. I dunno, I just didn’t feel normal…
I’m waiting for my doctor to get to work so I can go pay him an emergency visit.. He said to always go directly to him once I start to feel like I need to go to hospital because he wan’ts to make sure his transplant patients are being taken care of as soon as they feel ill…
So if I don’t post much today, I apologize, I really hope I can catch up on some sleep.
Today I just want to apologize to all of you…. But like I said, I will keep things 100% real on my blog….
I didn’t read one single page that has helped me get through the day. I wasn’t even able to fully wake up and break out of the negativity…Knowing that most of my thoughts were just my thoughts, I went back on my word today and assumed with jealousy that something was happening that wasn’t happening ….
I apologize for failing today but know that I will not give up….. Like I told you guys before, this blog is my story, this blog is my experiences of my everyday life.. There’s going to be days when I’m gonna mess up and there’s going to be days that I will assume a lot…. But I admit that this is one of my own personal faults that I continue to work on every day.
And to my friends, you are right. It will take more than just a few days or a week to get better, it’s gonna take months…. I guess I was hoping I’ll be strong enough to not need that much time, but today I realize that I do need more time.
Again, I’m sorry for those I let down. I’m human just like you are and I’m not a 100% motivational speaker or anything like that.. I’m just a regular guy dealing with post life experiences of my transplant and learning how to mature as human-being and a man.
Hopefully I will not have many more setbacks…. It’s almost 2 in the morning and I felt that it was only right to get this out before I go to bed.
I will continue to fight to be better. I will not give up. I’m grateful that I still have another chance to make things right.
I felt like this song for a while until I realized I may have a story to tell.. I decided to man up and face my struggles face first, forget what anyone else has to say, this is my story… If you have something bad to say, let me know your name so I can mention it in my credits under “Motivation”